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Monday, February 6, 2012

Being at their Mercy

As a continuation from my latest post:
All my life I have reared my parents as the most superior beings, and I the most inferior to them.  I was raised to always give respect to adults and other superior beings, teachers and such.  Growing up, my single-parent mother used the common phrases “I have to be the mom and the dad” and “I am not your friend, I am your parent.”  Although she stuck by her word, she still wanted and achieved the relationship we have always had- I can tell her anything, talk to her about whatever and still keep the level of mother and son in check.  As I got older, however, our relationship has changed to that of an older sister and younger brother in ways that we can relate and discuss more adult-oriented topics.  The relationship is strong and healthy, as any child-parent relation should; but I still find myself not being completely comfortable.
Being at the mercy of my parents makes me feel as if I am not progressing in my life, but rather doing the opposite.  I do not want to dominate or over-step my boundaries as the “adult-child,” but the power-struggle between my parents and I is evident.  In my point of view I see myself as being a responsible young-adult.  I am a full-time student, part-time worker sustaining 30 hours a week, and saving up for a car.  However, it seems that it is not good enough for my parents.  Am I the one that is blinded by my own “perfections?”  Or are my parents too afraid to let me grow up? 
“In our Western culture, economic independence leads people to feel self-empowered and capable. It feels good to be able to rely on yourself, to take care of yourself, and to feel capable of pursuing your own goals.”(Dependent...)  The struggle of mine is well reflected by the quote above.  I want to branch out and “sow my own oats,” however I have to depend on my parents.  Dependence can be a blessing and a curse.  I am not too bothered by the common struggles of the “adult world,” and yet I wish to be apart of the new-world only independent. 
“By making most of the decisions for our children, we weaken them. By allowing them to make decisions and requiring them to take responsibility for their actions, we strengthen them.”(Dependent...)  Possibly this is a topic I need to discuss with my parents, but how do I go about doing so without offending.  Arguments on such topics that end with threats like: “Find your own ride to work/school,” only push me further into an internal confusion.  I don’t ever like coming across as ungrateful, or suppressed.  However, I am only getting older and I need my freedoms as anyone else does. 
Dependent Young Adults: "We've given you every advantage! Don't you want to do something with your life?" (2012, February 6). Retrieved February 6,2012, from http://www.sowhatireallymeanttosay.com/

2 comments:

  1. When you say you "reared" your parents, that means you raised them. Do you mean "revered"? I find it intriguing that you would label parents and teachers "superior" people. How about, possibly, just more experienced?

    You mention parents in the plural. Even though you were raised by your mom, is your dad in the picture? Why is your relationship uncomfortable with your mom (is it because she has serious expectations?)...

    So many questions! Nice links...very interesting.

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    1. Oops, sorry! I must have missed the spell check on that world...man! I was including my step-father, who I currently live with along with my two sisters and mother. Sorry I did not make that point too clear. The relationship with my mom has been like an emotional roller coaster starting back about a year and a half ago. Thank You! I am glad you likd the post.

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